Into the Unknown: The Perspective of a Third Culture Kid

A TCK’s Reality

I remember the exact moment my parents sat me down and explained that we would be moving abroad - leaving behind family, friends, and everything familiar for the sake of the Gospel. As an 11-year-old, I struggled to reconcile my parents' calling with my own desire to stay in a known and comfortable environment. Home as I knew it was about to be uprooted, and I had no power to stop the moving train. The idea of leaving home indefinitely to live in a foreign place was almost too difficult for my young mind to comprehend.

As a third-culture kid (TCK) – now an adult - I can reflect on this period of my life and understand why my parents heeded their calling as messengers of the Gospel. However, it is also clear to see how such drastic changes in a kid’s life can have negative consequences if not navigated properly. My parents did everything they could to create a smooth transition, but there were unchangeable realities about our life abroad that were not easily adjusted to.

These new realities included foreign cultures, languages, foods, sounds, and smells. Other stressors included political unrest and witnessing extreme poverty. These were all in addition to the most straining circumstance – being a citizen of one country while living in another. Being a young kid, this reality created a muddled identity. Indeed, as we moved around to different places, the very word home began to lose meaning.

It is not uncommon for TCKs to encounter faith crises because of all the stressors they face on the field. TCKs can often feel (I felt this myself) like they have been caught up in God’s grand plan in which there is no place for them. This can lead to hidden grief and even resentment toward faith and God. Worse yet, TCKs can be overlooked by sending agencies and churches, further rubbing salt in the wound of neglect. When parents give their everything to ministry, their children can feel like they are competing for time and affection. Kids and teens in these situations often crave to be seen, heard, and loved.

The Parents’ Role

Parents can take the initiative by addressing these potential issues before committing to full-time, cross-cultural ministry. Including their children in the decision-making process early on is a great starting point. This simple initial step can become the cornerstone for long-term endurance on the field. By speaking to their children regularly, parents open the door to increased mutual respect while normalizing the idea of a prospective life change. Since TCKs tend to experience higher-than-normal levels of struggle and paradox, parents stand to benefit by understanding their kid(s) perspective long before they move abroad. This approach effectively builds trust – which is essential for long-term, family-centric vitality in the field.

Now there is no one-size-fits-all approach to cross-cultural ministry. Realistically, every family’s journey will have its situational nuances. But even amid these nuances, every family has the same opportunity to increase the likelihood of a healthy lifetime on the field. While not an exact science, practicing consistent and healthy communication within the family unit leading up to a considerable life change can lead to enhanced familial unity when that change is finally encountered.

The Pertinence of Preparation

An incredible sacrifice is made when kids and teens leave their homes to follow their parents into foreign places. There is so much value in adequately preparing for this change, which is why pre-field training is vital. Pre-field training is just as important for kids as it is for adults. Giving kids and teens language to express their experiences allows for better communication within the family unit. Ideally, parents should feel empowered to value their kids’ questions and internal world, learning to respond in ways that will keep the family close and unified. By providing a solid foundation, pre-field training helps families avoid unnecessary turbulence when entering the mission field.

Finding Joy in a New Reality

Despite the grief and loss that can accompany transition, TCKs also tend to experience abundant joy and adventure in the field. As a TCK, I experienced this paradox of simultaneous highs and lows. Thankfully, my parents worked hard to create some “normal” in my abnormal TCK world. They started weekly traditions like going to the fruit market on Saturday mornings or getting our favorite pastries at the local bakery. I was also able to plug into the community by playing futsal on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Seemingly small things, these crucial routines helped me settle down in a new home, providing a sense of enjoyment amid the transition.

As a TCK, leaving my home was difficult beyond words; yet, it was an opportunity to experience life in a way that not many kids my age ever would. Parents of TCKs should process sadness and transition with their children while also encouraging them to see hope in new opportunities. There will inevitably be grief and excitement associated with transition. By embracing this paradox and fully engaging sadness and anticipation in tandem, families can move forward freely together, decoupled from the paralysis that often accompanies unprocessed emotions. It is within this collective freedom where families can operate as a unified whole.